1. |
The Wrong Thing
02:31
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When I was a boy it seemed that every night
My parents sat me down and tried to teach me wrong from right
The lessons didn't stick with me too well I guess
Every time I've had to choose I end up making a mess
The wrong thing, the wrong thing
Bad decisions tied together on a long string
Ask anyone, they'll tell you I am the King
When It comes to doing the wrong thing
Now as you go through this life, there'll be decisions to make
Times when you gotta choose which path to take
That kind of choice has never been too hard for me
I pick the shortest road to sin and debauchery
The wrong thing, the wrong thing
The lure of temptation is a strong thing
Ask anyone, they'll tell you I am the King
When It comes to doing the wrong thing
I'm the seventh son of a seventh son
Been runnin' with the devil ever since I was young
If you're lookin' for salvation, better do what I say
Take a look at where I'm bound, then go the opposite way
Last night I'm drinkin' at the bar, this blonde comes on to me
I didn't mention that it was my anniversary
Should've gone home to the wife and the kid
I'll give you one guess about what I did
The wrong thing, the wrong thing
Yeah I had me a good time with that blonde thing
Caught hell in the morning, but hey I am the King
When It comes to doing the wrong thing
The wrong thing, the wrong thing
The lure of temptation is a strong thing
You can ask anyone, they'll tell you I am the King
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2. |
Singer-Songwriter Hell
05:07
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Last night around the in the morning
I awoke from my bed with a start
I'd had me a nightmare
That strange kind of fright where
You think that it might stop your heart
I dreamed I was playing a concert
It was somewhere that I'd never been
I asked someone, "Can you
Tell me, what's this venue?"
He replied with a sad kind of grin
CHORUS
Singer-songwriter hell, boy
[This is] singer-songwriter hell
Now I tell you this tale lest you end up as well
In singer-songwriter hell
The emcee was Richard Farina
He was not glad to see me arrived
He said "I was hoping, Lord willing
That you might be Dylan
I can't believe that old coot's still alive"
Then I went and said hi to Tim Buckley
And I told him I thought he was great
But it was really Tim Hardin
I said "I beg your pardon"
I never could keep the two of 'em straight
REPEAT CHORUS
It was . . .
Well I wanted to meet me Hank Williams
So I asked Townes Van Zandt where he might be
He informed me that Hank
Though he gambled and drank
Was in heaven by God's own decree
Meanwhile Kurt Cobain sat in the corner
He was holding a gun to his head
Saying, "I thought I was gonna
Remain in Nirvana
But I ended up here instead"
REPEAT CHORUS
In . . .
Then Richard tapped me on the shoulder
And he said it was time for my set
He told the crowd that on balance
I had lesser talents
Than anyone he'd ever met
Well nobody cried at my ballads
And nobody laughed at my jokes
I began to protest
They said "Give it a rest
We sure don't need another Phil Ochs"
REPEAT CHORUS
In . . .
No one requested an encore
But I played one just out of spite
When I finished I bowed
And said thanks to the crowd
As they booed me with all of their might
It was right about then that I woke up
And I wrote down these words on a page
"Live clean, pure and wholesome"
Or a fate worse than Folsom
Awaits you up there on the stage"
REPEAT CHORUS
Of . . .
It was . . .
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3. |
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Every time I mention how I feel for you
You suggest that my intentions may be less than true
But if I win your love my darling, there's one think I won't deny
I'm gonna drink and cheat and steal and swear and lie
I'll put it to you plainly, so there ain't no doubt
Cause I think you should no mainly what I'm all about
You see you'll never change my nature, and you shouldn't even try
Yes I'm gonna drink and cheat and steal and swear and lie
CHORUS
I'm gonna drink in all your beauty every minute of the day
I'm gonna cheat despair and heartache, and make sure they stay away
I'm gonna steal all the time with you I can
And I swear that i will always be your man
And I'll lie next to you every night, and never make you cry
Yes I'm gonna drink and cheat and steal and swear and lie
So that's my proposition, think it over please
I'm awaiting your decision here on bended knees
But tell me how can you not love a man who looks you in the eye
And says he's gonna drink and cheat and steal and swear and lie
REPEAT CHORUS
Yes . . .
Until the day I die
I'm gonna drink and cheat and steal and swear and lie
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4. |
Mall Cop
02:25
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Another Saturday night, down at the mall
You drive around for 15 minutes just to find a parking stall
As you pull in you lightly tap the Subaru in the next space
Next thing you know a siren's blaring and a spotlight's in your face
A voice comes booming through a megaphone commanding you to stop
Another big investigation for the mall cop
Well once he tried to get a job on the real force
But he failed the exam at the end of the course
So now six days a week you can find him down here
Cracking down on double parkers, making sure the fire lane's clear
The pay ain't great but it beats working with a bucket and a mop
It's a job in law enforcement, he's a mall cop
Well he loves the sense of power as he patrols from store to store
But he's like it better if they'd only let him pack a 44
Cause you never know around which corner danger's gonna loom
Could be suspicious activity in the restroom
Well he's learned a little trick to increase his take home pay
He swipes the pennies from the fountain at the close of each day
He's 28 years old and he still lives with Mom and Pop
But lookout world he's moving out soon, he's a mall cop
He makes the world safe for democracy, protects your right to shop
It's all in a day's work when you're a mall cop
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5. |
I'll Take The Fifth
03:36
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Well I don't know what my buddy Joe was thinking
Sending me a fifth of bourbon last week for a birthday gift
I guess he forgot that I'd quit drinking
Or remembered how a shot, it used to give me such a lift
When we agreed to start all over
Girl you made me take a vow
You would stay if I kept sober
And I have been, up to now
Cause I love you oh my darling, with nearly all my heart
And you know there isn't anyone I'd rather spend time with
But I also love the bottle, and you knew that from the start
So don't wait up for me my darling, cause tonight I'll take the fifth
When I gave my word to you, you know I meant it
And I thought my love for you would always serve to see me through
But I've been staring at hat bottle since Joe sent it
And imagining a kind of glow I just can't get from you
Now I can't say that I blame you
But I wish I didn't halve to choose
Cause deep down I think we both knew
In the end that you would lose
Cause though I love you oh mu darling, with nearly all my heart
And you know there isn't anyone I'd rather spend time with
To choose between you and the bottle, it is tearing me apart
So don't ask me where I'm going, cause tonight I'll take the fifth
No don't ask me where I'm going, cause tonight
I'll take the fifth
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6. |
High Maintenance Love
03:43
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There are woman who remind me of a Pontiac
Nothing fancy but they'll get you around
And there are women who are kinda like a Cadillac
Cause it's so nice to take 'em out on the town
But my baby she reminds me of a '69 Spitfire
You gotta keep her tuned just right
It takes a special touch when you adjust the clutch
But then she'll let you drive around all night
We're talkin' high maintenance love, but that's OK
Cause it feels so good when I'm under the hood, I wouldn't have it any other way
Well I just work on her, till she starts to purr
Then I thank my lucky stars above
That when her motor stalls I'm the man she calls
We're talkin' high maintenance love
There are women whose ignitions never fail to spark
Turn 'em over and they're ready to go
And there are women whose transmissions are just stuck in park
Somewhere over by the side of the road
But my baby she can click on every cylinder
Though the trick is how to make 'em spin
I lube her liberally so when I use my key
All I gotta do is slip it in
And we're talkin' high maintenance love, but that's OK
Cause the way it feels when I'm under her wheels, I wouldn't have it any other way
I learned to use this tool way back in auto school
I swear it fits her like a hand in glove
You know it's custom made to help me ply my trade
We're talkin' high maintenance love
High maintenance love from a fully qualified technician
Yeah it's nice to be a man who likes working with his hands
I'm a certified mechanic and a regular magician
There are women who ain't lookin' for no help at all
And who don't want no tender loving care
And thee are women who will never make a service call
No matter how much they're in need of repair
But my baby's got a permanent exclusive contract
So that she can have me anytime
I do it all for free and never charge a fee
But I assure you that the pleasure's mine
Cause we're talkin' high maintenance love, but that's OK
Cause when we're cruisin' around with her top pulled down, I wouldn't have it any other way
When I fill her tank and then I turn her crank
She starts cooing like a turtle dove
I do the best I can cause I'm her maintenance man
We're talkin' high maintenance love
I do the best i can
Cause I'm her maintenance man
We're talkin' high maintenance love (3x)
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7. |
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She’s five years old and worldly wise
The apple of her daddy’s eyes
There’s not a thing she doesn’t know
Just ask her and she’ll tell you so
And when he tucks her in at night
Before he switches off the light
She always asks him for few
Stories she knows can’t be true
And he tells her:
CHORUS:
Paper comes from trees cut down for lumber
Dinosaurs once roamed across the land
The window that tonight you’re sleeping under
Was once a hundred thousand grains of sand
And the butterfly you chased this afternoon
Was just a caterpillar sprung from a cocoon
And a long, long time ago
There were men who walked on the moon
She laughs so hard her cheeks turn red
And she doesn’t want to go to bed
Cause she loves the way it makes her feel
When he swears those silly things are real
Now she knows paper doesn’t grow on trees
And that the moon in fact is made of cheese
And has never been explored by men
Still she can’t wait to hear it all again
REPEAT CHORUS
He says those men were heroes
In a prior century
And he knows it really happened
Cause he watched it on TV
Sweet dreams to you, my darling girl
I’m glad you’re living in a world
Of dragons and of maidens fair
And carpets flying through the air
Tomorrow night I will regale
You with another fairy tale
About a distant time and place
Where men would go for walks in space, and
REPEAT CHORUS
Yes a long, long, long, long, long time ago
There were men who walked on the moon
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8. |
That Kind Of Love
03:01
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Some kinds of love are polite and demure
Some kinds of love are reserved and unsure
That’s not the kind of love I’m looking for
Down in the pit of my soul
I want a love that’ll rattle my brain
And shake me up until I’m nearly insane
Like I’m a rider on a fast moving train
Careening out of control
The kind of love that’ll strike like lightning
With thunder booming high up above
Hits you so hard that it’s almost frightening
I want to fall in that kind of love
Some kinds of love so gentle and kind
Some kinds of love are so soft and refined
That’s not the kind of love I have in mind
In case you hadn’t have guessed
Some kinds of flames they just flicker and die
But I want a flame that’ll light up the sky
Like every night is the Fourth of July
Is that too much to request?
The kind of love that’ll make you shiver
Every time that she’s spoken of
Your knees go weak and your muscles quiver
I want to fall in that kind of love
That kind of love, I’ll know I’m in it
When I’m obsessed every single minute
Cause it’s not enough to have the wind and the rain
Baby I want the whole damn hurricane
The kind of love that’ll make you frantic
And doubt whatever you’re most certain of
And cuts as deep as the great Atlantic
I want to fall in that kind of love
I want to fall
That kind of love
(Fade)
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9. |
The Next Guy
04:11
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You tell me that our love affair is finished
Cause you found out that I've played you for a fool
And those feelings you had for me have diminished
Since you learned that I'm as shallow as a children's wading pool
And you tell yourself the next guy will be kinder
Yes you'll be smarter when the next guy comes along
But my darling you could not be any blinder
You see I know him very well and you just couldn't be more wrong
Cause although I'm as big a jerk as the next guy
Yes I'm as big a jerk that's plain to see
If you think he's gonna treat you nice
Well let me give you some advice
The next guy is as big a jerk as me
I made you think I was an intellectual
With my clever lines and witty repartee
But it turns out that my motives were pretextual
And what I really wanted was to see you in your negligee
So you say that next time you'll be more selective
You'll play it cool when the next guy comes down the line
But look at it for a while from my perspective
You see I know just how he thinks cause he's a real good friend of mine
And although I'm as big a jerk as the next guy
Yes I'm as big a jerk that's plain to see
And I guess my opinion doesn't rate
But let me give it to you straight
The next guy is as big a jerk as me
Right now I know you're angry and you're bitter
And you can't stand the sight of me, but even so
Oh my baby I sure hope you'll reconsider
Cause I mean why not just stick with the jerk you know?
And although I'm a big as jerk as the next guy
Yes I'm as big a jerk that's plain to see
Well I don't even need to know his name
Cause pretty much we're all the the same
And the next guy is as big a jerk as me
I said the next guy is as big a jerk
He's every bit as big a jerk
The next guy is as big a jerk as me
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10. |
Daniels, Walker & Beam
03:32
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In those business classes I took as a student
I was taught to save most of my pay
And invest it in assets believed to be prudent
Like a CD and 401(k)
But since you left me my darling, I’ve turned all of my holdings
Over to a new management team
The entire amount
Has been placed on account
With Daniels, Walker and Beam
I was planning a glorious future together
With a nest egg to keep you secure
But then you met someone I guess you loved better
Now I don’t need a nest egg no more
But I’m receiving returns of a kind you can’t get
From no ponzi or pyramid scheme
You broke this poor heart of mine
But I’m feeling just fine
Thanks to Daniels, Walker and Beam
Mr. Beam’s quite a fellow
He’s strong but he’s mellow
And Mr. Daniels’ friends all call him Jack
While Mr. Walker determines
The extent that your earnings
Will end up in the red or the black
Now I know past performance is no guarantee
Of future investment returns
But whenever I need them, they’ve been right there for me
To help me deal with my going concerns
Today they’ll join me at lunch, but I’ve got a hunch
They’ll still be there at the dawn’s early gleam
And when they cart me away
I’ll just have one thing to say
“Thank you, Daniels, Walker and Beam”
Yes if you’re in a pinch
Well just forget Merrill Lynch
And go with Daniels, Walker and Beam
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11. |
Amateur Hour
02:51
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I still remember that day we first met, just two kids at school
We were tryin' to be cool
But it's not like there was some book out there to teach us the rules
And that first night alone together, as we pretended we knew
What to say and to do
We sure didn't fool each other, but we laughed our way through
We didn't know what we were doing, it was amateur hour
We just made it up as we went along
But that's a better was to learn than from some ivory tower
Baby it was amateur hour
Now I can't help thinkin' 'bout how far we've come, you and I
As I hear our baby cry
Sure things get kind of crazy sometimes, but we always get by
And as another day is over and I kiss you goodnight
And we turn out the light
I figure darling we sure must be doing something right
We still don't know just what we're doing, it's still amateur hour
We just make it up as we go along
We've always done just what felt right and our love's bloomed like a flower
And now every day is amateur hour
We're still together
And every day is amateur hour
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12. |
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When I grew up and came of age
Well country music was the rage
But back then it wasn't quite what it was called
Sure we loved how Hank and Kitty sang
But we also dug that Texas twang
And Bob Wills and his Playboys best of all
Well country/western was its name
And today's stuff just don't sound the same
No disrespect to Garth or Clint or Vince
They look good in their cowboy hats
But I need something more than that
Something that's been missing ever since
CHORUS
They done gone and took the western out of country
Where once had beat the heart of western swing
When the music that we loved the best
Came right out of our own Southwest
And from Tulsa down to San Antone, Bob Wills was still the king
Well I grew up in the hills of Oklahoma
As country as a boy could ever be
But when they took the western out of country
They done gone and took the country out of me
I still recall how as a boy
I listened to Tex, Gene and Roy
Those singing cowboy stars of yesteryear
But the country singers of today
They wouldn't know a horse I'd say
If one done went and bit 'em on the rear
Now I don't mind Faith and Shania
At least as objects of desire
But on the radio their music never stops
And well my friend, I'll tell you what
If that really is the best they got
I think I'll go check out the Boston Pops, cause
REPEAT CHORUS
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13. |
Case Of The Blues
02:52
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A case of beer, a case of wine
A case of sittin' 'round, mostly killing time
A case of heartache from your head down to your shoes
My friend, you got a case of the blues
A case of bourbon, a case of Scotch
A case of staying in bed, staring at your watch
A case of finding that you're yesterday's news
My friend, you got a case of the blues
Well you could call up the doctor but what good's that gonna do
There ain't no way that doctor's gonna cure what's ailing you
Cause you've come down with something he could never understand
Since last night you saw your woman downtown with some other man
A case of poison, a case of pills
A case of wasting all them hundred dollar bills
A case of learning that you got to pay your dues
My friend, you got a case of the blues
My friend, you got a case
More than just a trace
My friend, you got a case of the blues
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14. |
Call It A Night
04:03
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Did you pick this tavern
And was it because it’s
As dark as a cavern
If not then what was it
Was it simply a case of a place
We’d be hidden from sight
And share a casual drink
But now don’t you think
We should call it a night
Well once we desired
Each other as lovers
But since then we’ve acquired
Significant others
And this rendezvous with you
Has me shaking with fright
And I’m running behind
So if you wouldn’t mind
Can we call it a night
CHORUS
Let’s call it a night
Let’s bid our adieu
Let’s call it a dream
That can never come true
Let’s not do what would lead to the need to
Be setting things right
Let’s not get carried away
At the end of the day
Let’s call it a night
It would be pleasant I know just to bask in the glow of the past, but I’ve a premonition
That to try to rekindle the flame that had dwindled could burn us beyond recognition
Your charms are endearing
Sweet memories linger
But each of us is wearing
A ring on our finger
And just seeing the shine on mine
Has me feeling contrite
So let’s call for the tab
I’ll call you a cab
Let’s call it a night
REPEAT CHORUS
Let’s not get carried away
So hey what do you say
Can we call it a night
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Mark Stepakoff Boston, Massachusetts
"One of the best songwriters I have ever heard" - Christine Lavin
Singer-songwriter
Mark Stepakoff has been widely admired on the Boston folk and roots music scene for more than 20 years. His songs comprise a mix of humorous and poignant material in a style reminiscent of artists like John Prine or more contemporary songwriters such as Hayes Carll, and have drawn raves locally and nationally.
... more
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